looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Damn victory sex feels great
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
