I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.