We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?