New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.