You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.