just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..