Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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