And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
