Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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