remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
