can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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