You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize