he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
