My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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