As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
