Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
