Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
