omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
