I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
