Your tits are I can't wait for
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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