I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.