My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.