bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat