I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize