I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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