my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
