I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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