i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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