Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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