i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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