My brain says no but my pants say off.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
