I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad