Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cannot find my penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just wanna be euthanized