I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms