bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.