can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.