I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.