she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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