Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
