Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
