I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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