she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
