just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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