But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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