He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
