My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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