Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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