I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
the raccoons are back...
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