I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
