Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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