tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize