I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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