@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
only if we run a train.
done.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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