around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
