woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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