She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
