Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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