I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
jump out the window naked night went bad
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
