Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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