so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
