My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
