my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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