Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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